Break 1-17-01

Break


I arrived – wonderfully crafted – but still under construction - the bewilderment of my own perplexity – with words rolling off tongue – the soul train – of a funkadelic maggot brain

Streaming over – a seam of consciousness – entombed in the frisk for another womb and landing at the party – a celebration for a wizard fink – toying with the gears of a clock – causing these thoughts to stop

And while one does blink – think or take another drink – gripping on tightly – to conceal – emotions in a – highly susceptible – highly flammable – highly votile box of – some after dinner mint – wild on – e – coyote ugly – acne – party – explosives ready to blow pop – wam bam – this is all just wool over your eyes – it’s all just another sham

A weak link – the missing link – a nod and a wink – brushing up next to – meekness the wallflower – the so slow solo dancer – movin’ up on ya – saying let me get next to ya – come on let the idea fester – it’ll warm up to ya – and all this starts – is the rethinking – yeah this boat might be sinkin’ – due to this lack of determination lack of motivation – maybe causing my own extinction – allowing agony to check back in – to quench thy thirst at the house of mirth – with pithy phonics spiraling down the drain - a sink hole – witness – of the dilemma of words – and which one first – as I sit to rehearse – another verse – debating whether or not to end this
with a hearse – riding off into the sunset

I need a break from all these words – running to the delta of note book lines – need to unwind – take a load off – just kick it – flip it around a bit – breath a sigh of relief

But just like the drug – this pen keeps calling back to me – like a disease – devising ways to kill it’s enemies

I need a break – need to relax – stop and not think – about reanalyzing manipulatyzing – and revising – all the digitizing pictures in memory – a flashing slide show – in a hall of mirrors – it’s all dissecting me – bright fragments of dimming Christmas lights – broken little pixels – of chemical models of molecules

I need a break – a side step away – away from this parchment – away from this ink this blood – this wine – but this prose is filtering – sand and mercury – funneling sifting through the fingers of father time’s hands – yes time my old nemesis and friend – back by popular demand – you my super hero – my super ego – E=MC2 comic relief – as you laugh at me this I do belief – you are the posser of the key – to the map – holding responsibilities with only cap. – and I’m waiting to see which of you turns your back


oh and god - money – I’ll do anything for you - but first let me wash the green stains from underneath the fingernails of blame – and corrow back in shame

I need a break – up – of any kind – of releationship – a woman to cry to – a woman to say hi to – a woman to say goodbye to – and hold throughout the night – to wake in morning light – in a placid bliss – a paradise that cannot purely exist – as I hold my cat – and linger my easy early morning gaze – across a quilted landscape – into folds and ripples – as wrinkled memories of sleep fade away – into de ja vu and day dreams – to have picnics in the park and snow – with the Easter bunny – the tooth faerie – and Santa Claus – somewhere where it’s safe after dark – and the hopeless romantic is set free – allowed to confess such beauty by his side – instead of keeping it all well hid on the inside – I’m starting to divide – derail from the train ride should let these emotions subside – and give in to these chains – from the man of constant sorrow – who let me borrow – until the morrow – and tomorrow tomorrow - tomorrow – and with all these tomorrows I still don’t know who I’m supposed to be

I need a break – maybe rob a bank – steal all the locks – and keep ‘em all in a safe hiding place – next to a jack-in-the-box – a furry lox – and some red and white striped socks – underneath which – I keep my fix – no and’s if’s or but’s – just a box of bics – no lies – no tricks – speaking only truth – prick my finger and let prose flow – with the ignorant innocent freedom of youth – corrupted only by what these blind eyes – are forced to see – forced to believe – fighting off all the propaganda and paranoia of our cartoon society

I need a break from the complexity of the simplicity – of what these crying eyes have seen – over an ocean of opportunities – that have passed by me – off into the stretch of some Hollywood horizon – sky – which taught me to be or not to be – or – not to be or to be – you see – this all gets way to confusing – need to side step away – and spend some time with me

I need a break – a vacation – it seems I should have enjoyed my time off before - before the shit hit the fan – before I became a man – and got distracted – need to get away from all these distractions – oh how I wish – I had just a fraction – of my childhood time I spent – wishing to be older – but I guess the genie misunderstood what I meant - oh to know then – what I only know now – and not to have to scream in solitude – why or how

I need a break – maybe sit next to a lake – throwing bread to the ducks and fish – the fire blazing in midnight heat – cool cool heat – a loud night to remind me to enjoy the silence – maybe I need to reach out and touch faith – like a danger mouse getting away with the cheese – on the run another adventure please – maybe climb a mountain or just a tree – or move incognito overseas – learn how to speak French Spanish Italian, Japanese or Lebanese – find a different culture to live in – to study in – or maybe go space flying with some monkeys – and get stuck in a banana tree or swing from a star – and carry moonbeams home in a jar
I need a break – a day off from even breathing – so my whole body and mind could relax – a day the government couldn’t tax – only my soul would be revived - soaking up all the energy it would need to – jive – strive – and survive – a day where I don’t day dream or do anything at all